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Hand

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About Hand

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  1. Let me get this straight....You guys are dancing in the streets about lower taxes? What did you do, dress up like "injuns" and throw boxes of tea into the harbor? All of you need hobbies. Bad.
  2. chc is absolutely right. It needs something random in there. Something like: I like pork I like ham Put them together and you got spam...
  3. A group of words with no notation or melody that hasn't been ever sung or perhaps cannot be sung...That's what we call a poem.
  4. Hey guys! If I hate a song, I HATE it and want it to vanish off the face of the earth. If somebody else is around me and they like the song in question, I will take the song apart lyric by lyric. It usually drives the person nuts. And since I'm a sick and twisted person, I shall do it on here as well. In fact you're welcome to join me in tearing apart songs you hate. I'll start. Here is a song that I absolutely detest: "All I Want To Do" by Heart It was a rainy night when he came into sight (Out driving on a rainy night...what could possibly go wrong here? Oh wait, what's that guy doing over there?) Standing by the road, no umbrella, no coat (Obviously a crazy man) So I pulled up along side and I offered him a ride (Stupid woman...letting a crazed maniac in your car.) He accepted with a smile so we drove for a while (Of course he's smiling...he's thinking of how he's going to strangle you and bury your body in a field somewhere) I didn't ask him his name, this lonely boy in the rain (Oh good move there, if you somehow survive this ordeal, you won't have a name to give the cops) Fate tell me it's right, is this love at first sight (I think that perhaps you should be asking something else besides fate for advice. Fate would seem to have a chainsaw and a shallow grave in your future) Please don't make it wrong, just stay for the night (Don't make it wrong? How on earth could you make this right in any sense of the word? Picking up strange men who are underdressed in the rain and inviting them to spend the night with you? FOR WHAT?!) All I wanna do is make love to you (Oh, that...you nymphomaniacal idiot.) Say you will you want me too (He wants you alright...wants you dead) All I wanna do is make love to you (Yes you said that already) I've got lovin' arms to hold on to (Not for long...And don't get too attached (HAHA!) to the rest of your limbs either) So we found this hotel, it was a place I knew well (A place you knew well? Jeez...how many hitchhikers does this slut pick-up?) We made magic that night. Oh, he did everything right (If by "We made magic" you mean "made grunting farm animal sounds" and "an unhealthy exchange of bodily fluids through unprotected sex" then yes, I guess you could say that. And how did he do everything right? By not killing you?) He brought the woman out of me, so many times, easily (I'm surprised he didn't bring the vital organs out of you, so many times, messily) And in the morning when he woke all I left him was a note (You screw the guy, leave him in a cheap hotel in the middle of NOWHERE with no way back and all you do is leave him a note? Slut...) I told him I am the flower you are the seed (I have no idea what this nonsense is about...maybe she gave him crabs) We walked in the garden we planted a tree (Yep...crabs it is.) Don't try to find me, please don't you dare (Oh she most definitely gave him crabs and she's trying to cover her butt.) Just live in my memory, you'll always be there (Yeah, he'll be in the memory alright...with an itchy groin.) All I wanna do is make love to you (We've already been through this...) One night of love was all we knew (Love 'em and leave 'em huh?...whore.) All I wanna do is make love to you (Yes, yes we know....) I've got lovin' arms to hold on to (Oh shut up already) Oh, oooh, we made love (Did you now?) Love like strangers (Strangers, monkeys, lemurs...whatever you want to call it...) All night long (Oh come on already...stop bragging.) We made love (WE GOT THE PICTURE ALREADY!!!) Then it happened one day, we came round the same way (So she's out driving again...hmmmm...I wonder what COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN?!) You can imagine his surprise when he saw his own eyes (She runs into the guy again and had his illegitimate child with her...nice.) I said please, please understand (Understand what, you psychotic b**ch?! It's not enough to screw the guy, leave him in a hotel, give him crabs and then show up years later with the kid that he never knew he had? Oh I GOTTA hear this) I'm in love with another man (OH WELL THAT JUST MAKES IT ALL BETTER NOW, DOESN'T IT?!) And what he couldn't give me (What? A shovel to the head?) was the one little thing that you can (So now you're cheating on your husband who is impotent? Wow....a real class act....) All I wanna do is make love to you (Go away) One night of love was all we knew (Oh you don't have to tell him that, his groin still itches to this DAY.) All I want to do is make love to you (Where's my chainsaw?) Come on, say you will, you want me too (*pull pull pull* BRANGGG BRANGGG BRANNGGG) All I wanna do (BRRANGGG BRRRAAAAAANNNNG RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR *body parts fall everywhere*) Stupid song. If you want me to absolutely trash a song that you hate, I will be more than happy to oblige. But it has to fall under the following criteria. -It has to be a song that we all would know. Any top 40 rock/rap/pop/country song will do. Or any song that plays on normal radio. NO OBSCURE SONGS. -It has to be a serious song. No funny or comedy songs, unless it's really unfunny.
  5. *Swims into room through all this off-topic stuff* Good lord....All of you have A.D.D....One of you mentions music and that launches all of you into in-depth conversations about the very nature of music, what truly constitutes good music, why Yellowcard is better than every other music group ever to walk God's Green Earth ®, how many guys has Kelly Clarkson given oral pleasure to, and how half of Linkin Park is/are gay. MUSIC GIVES YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN AIDS!!! Holy monkeypuddles, people...This was supposed to be a thread of "SERIOUS" questions. Not malarkey concerning music...*sigh* My efforts were in vain...I have failed as a doctor. But if it's music-themed threads that you want, then you'll enjoy a thread that I will be bringing to the board shortly.
  6. Looks quite promising. Enjoy! http://www.break.com/index/spiderman3trailer.html
  7. *comes into room riding weasels* WHEEEEEE!!! Hello again everybody! Dr. Hand here to show you the way to "fame and fortune"! And by "fame and fortune", I of course mean "prison and butt-rape". Let's get into our next batch o' questions, shall we? Let's shall! Our first question comes from chc! He wishes to know:"So it's summer now... what should I do?" Ah, yes, summertime! A time of rest, relaxation, and funny diseases with funnier names that make it burn when you pee! Not that I know anything about that! HAHA! But, yes, there comes a time when a young man must decide how best to take life by the horn and honk as loudly as possible...no, wait...that's not how it goes. Anyhoo, when contemplating all that spare time that summer affords them, many people find themselves at a crossroad as it were and are forced to ask themselves several questions, including:"What am I going to do with all this spare time?", "What opportunities are there for me?", and "Where are my pants?". Many others wonder about romance. Yes, the summer can be a time of meeting that "special someone", falling head over heels in love, and the resulting restraining orders from that time that you were caught pleasuring yourself outside her bedroom window in the shrubbery. Not that I know anything about that! HAHA! On second thought, maybe you should take up music...Now THERE'S a good hobby! Yes! Far away from windows, shrubbery, and awkward moments when you are around her father who happens to be your boss. Not that I would know anything about that! Yes, take up music...for the love of God ® take up music! Just make sure that you never make love to a french horn. You'll never live that one down, no matter how many times you explain to people that "it was asking for it I tell ya...they're ALL asking for it...the french horns...the tubas...and DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE CLARINETS!!!..." Not that I know anything about that! Just remember:The clarinets are the filthy whores of the music world. Our next question comes from HopkinsProgramming! They wish to know "Can you make my sore throat, sneezing, sniffling and headache go away?" Hmmm....sore throat, sneezing, sniffling, and headache you say? For this one, I will have to enlist the help of another doctor. But who? Hmmmmm...HEY! I know! Ladies and gentlemen of the board, I present to you Dr. Johannes Frugenhopst from the 15th century! He shall assist me in diagnosing the problem here! Dr. Hand: I want to thank you Dr. Frugenhopst for assisting me in this case. Dr. Frugenhopst: Verily ye art welcome! Dr. H: My patient is complaining of a sore throat, sneezing, headache and some mild sniffling. What do you suggest be done? Dr. F: Hmmmm...I thinketh that verily that he is filledeth with demons! This callst for a good bleedingth with leeches to casteth the devil out of himeth! Dr. H: What?! Dr. F: Oh yesseth! I haveth performed this procedureth many timeseth! First we cut offeth his headeth.... Dr. H: Ummmmm... Dr. F: Then we set himeth on fireth! Dr. H: I'm not so sure.... Dr. F: Then we cut off alleth his toeseth and put the leeches oneth hiseth feeteth! Dr. H: Uh, doctor, I don't think that's the way to go. I was thinking something more along the lines of some Benadryl ®. Dr. F: WITCHERY!! YE HAVETH THE DEVIL IN YE! BURN HIM BURN HIM!!! *grabs torch* Dr. H: Thanks but I'll be going now...*runs* There you go HP, either some Benadryl ® or a good bleeding with leeches to cast the devil out of "ye". Take your pick. Lastly, Chewmen_ldr asks:"Where do you think I got the prefix "Chewmen"?" I would gladly answer that question, Chewmen, but I'm currently trying to flee a 15th century loon who wants to burn me and if that's not ENOUGH of a problem, I have this tuba stuck on me.
  8. Paypal is a godsend. Wish it was accepted more places though.
  9. I HAVE played Garys Mod online. Kinda laggy though. But it can be done with the latest version, anyway.
  10. I f**king pwn at Go-Fish and Candyland. I need more practice on Chutes and Ladders though. I've been having my dignity handed to me lately.
  11. Hand

    Quake 4

    *SLAP* There is NOTHING better...Blasphemy! BURN HIM!!!
  12. *Slides into room on stomach* WHHEEEEEE....OWWWWW CARPET BURN!!! Hello again everybody! Dr. Hand here to clean up the mess that I made! You see, in all the excitement, I overlooked a valued member of this board: Lazih3nri. My apologies, kind sir. Allow me to answer your question in depth. You asked:"Why the name "Hand"? and do you prefer the right or the left?" Very good question sir! I chose the name "Hand" after much debate. You see, I was playing CSS for the longest time under numerous names and aliases. I prefer to be somewhat original in my name. I want a name that nobody else has. So after numerous attempts at a somewhat cool name, I settled on Hand. On a side note, I have been to many, many message boards under the alias of Dr. D. However, I have decided to leave the doctor behind for now. However the humor that I have been doing under that alias will obviously be brought to this board. I have a lot of ideas on things that are fun to do on a message board. This thread being the first of many. I'm telling you this because in the rare event that any of you have seen anything I have done on any previous boards, I don't want you to think that I'm ripping anybody off. I'm ripping myself off. So anyhoo, there you go.
  13. Smash is the only fighting game that I have any amount of skill at. I don't have time to remember 39 button presses for some 14 hit combo.
  14. Dual displays are good only if you want to suck twice as much at any game your playing.
  15. Hand

    Quake 4

    Quake 4 = good but not great game.
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